Garden Gnome Secrets

Robert Garden GnomeHello. My name is Robert. I’m a garden gnome. I’ve often wondered why humans suffer from all sorts of diseases and conditions that are unheard of in our gnome community. For a long time it didn’t make sense to me that if gnomes live in the same area as humans and eat most of the same foods as humans, then how could humans be so different? So I asked my garden gnomes friends Zack and Thomas and they had an interesting theory.

Zack Garden GnomeZack explained that Garden Gnomes are masters of their emotions.

The incredibly knowledgeable Thomas pointed out that gnomes control their anxieties and have simply learned not to get their drawers in a bunch about potential problems. He thinks that gnomes are light years ahead of human Yoga masters who often preach controlling metabolism and mental thoughts.

Isabella the Garden GnomeThen I remembered many years ago during a ferocious thunderstorm, a tree fell down blocking the entrance to Isabella Gnome’s home. Upon arriving home, she immediately looked over the damage and then calmly went for help. Luckily garden gnomes work closely together and come to the aid of each other whenever there is trouble or a need for help. Isabella went to see Bradley who lived next door.

Gnome Bradley taking a bath.I remember Bradley blushing as he recalled his story and how Isabella had walked in on him taking a bath asking for his help. I guess she didn’t even notice! Bradley got dressed and immediately went to get the others to help cut and remove the fallen tree. I helped too and when we removed the tree, we were surprised to find that the garden gnome door to Isabella’s house had been damaged. Luckily, Howard the Carpenter Gnome was there and immediately went to work to build Isabella a new door. Everything went smooth like clockwork.

No stress. We saw a problem. We worked together to fix the problem. Badda Bing, Badda Boom…we were done. I figured that there was no stress involved because gnomes just do want comes naturally – helping others.

Now, if this happened to humans, there would be lots of stress. After a storm like that one, I imagine that telephone lines would be down, electricity would be out, and no one would be able to use their appliances and gizmos for hours. What would humans do? Their food would spoil. They wouldn’t be able to watch TV. Neighbors would argue about who is responsible for what. Life would be interrupted. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight because everyone would be worried about their individual problems instead of helping each other.

Hmmmm……if only humans could discover what we gnomes already know! Maybe I’ll write a book to explain our secrets. Hmmm….then they could make it into a movie! I like movies…especially the action-filled ones. Let’s see, who could play me? Brad Pitt? … George Clooney? …Matt Damon? …

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